The ramblings of a human piece of flesh who has a chronic problem with passing out due to Ehlers-Danlos and dysautonomia. On the internet; I get myself into unintentional predicaments that make me quote the great James McNulty of The Wire, "The fuck did I do?"

 

FREAK OUT!

So I wake up from a shitty nap because my chemical burn hurts so bad. I feel really cold and sluggish so I decide to check my blood pressure and it’s 83/59 with a 71 pulse. That’s the lowest it’s been in ages and I had to make a mad scramble to get my blood pressure back up. Salt pills and miso soup with half a can of Coke to slightly increase my heart rate so the blood can get pumping. I had a freak out because I was reading the lidocaine webmd before I went to bed and it said that too much topical spray and make you get hypotension and bradycardia. Plus I had taken a klonopin to try and sleep off the pain. Then I took tylenol for the inflammation. Don’t want to Heath Ledger it. 

Invisible Illness Week

Invisible Illness Week’s - 30 things

1. The illness I live with is: Dysautonomia, neurocardiogenic syncope

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: 2011 with NCS and dysautonomia in late 2012

3. But I’ve had symptoms since: I’ve always felt physically strange since I was a kid. But the illness got worse early 2010

4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make: Not being a full time student and or having to take off school. Not being able to drive most of the time due to randomly fainting. Not being able to work

5. Most people assume: I’m being over dramatic. That it’s all just anxiety or depression

6. The hardest part about mornings are: Getting out of bed slowly enough so I don’t faint. Trying to get to my beta blocker when my legs are weak and my heart is racing.

7. My favorite medical TV show is : Monsters Inside Me

8. A gadget I can’t live without is: iPod Touch

9. The hardest part about nights are: Constant insomnia and the fact that I’m pretty much tolerant to every sedative known to man (except weed but I run out of that all the time). Chronic neck pain. Restless legs and body. Racing heart and pounding headache.

10. Each day I take : Atenolol, Lexapro, Reclipsen, Klonopin

11. Regarding alternative treatments: Weed and ASMR

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Visible. Just so I feel people will take me more seriously and not pin it all on my bipolar and anxiety. I’m anxious all the time because I most of the time have absolutely no idea when I’m going to faint. Who wouldn’t be out of their fucking mind?

13. Regarding work and career: Had to medically withdraw from school. Working seems to be out of the question unless the job requires me to sit most of the day

14. People would be surprised to know: I can’t work out because it causes me to faint. Even a brisk walk on a treadmill. I fainted during my stress test. That is medically documented so I’m not making this shit up.

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: How isolating this illness is. I miss my friends dearly but the unpredictability of my illness makes me unable to go out and see them. I’ve become so weak that I can’t spend as much time with my family because I need more sleep to be even able to wake up and function somewhat. I can function normal only about five hours per day, after that I have to find a bed and rest. My life has come to a standstill. All my friends are graduating college and studying abroad and I’m stuck in my house all day.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Be my own advocate.

17. The commercials about my illness: Don’t even exist.

18. Some things I really miss doing since I was diagnosed are: My friends. Being able to sprint down the beach. Working out, skiing, horseback riding, hiking, exploring the forest, going outside and taking photos.

19: But it was hardest to give up: School and my social life. Working out.

20: A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Tumblr, reading, long hours of video gaming.

21: If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Have a full day with all my friends and family.

22. My illness has taught me: Time goes by fast.

23. Want to know a secret: I think about getting high all the time to escape this reality.

24. But I love it when people: Take my illness seriously. Realizing that I’m not at fault for this problem.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: “Children sing the church choir at the newly built church. When ever I walk past it, my heart screams. There’s no forgetting the Past, the Present, or the Future. Will only the believers be led to salvation? That’s stupid. Why can’t we be perfect? Why can’t it be?”-Dir en grey

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Be your own advocate. Don’t let a doctor make you feel like you are crazy or that it’s your fault. Do as much research as possible and talk to others with your illness.

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: The strange things that can trigger it.

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: My mom always has my back. She’ll get me water and salty food when I’m unable to get up. She takes my illness seriously.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: Because people like us need a voice.

30. The fact that you read this makes me feel: Like more people care.

Taken out by a fart

So I got a gas cramp…usually I just let out a fart but something different happened this time. As some of my followers know I have a condition called neurocardiogenic syncope which is triggered by my vagus nerve and low blood pressure. Most of the time it’s because I get up too fast or I’ll have a week of low blood pressure were I have to rest. But sometimes I’ll have freak events like fainting triggered by sneezing or coughing or laughing too hard. This evening was probably one of the most embarrassing and unusual causes of my syncope. I was sitting in the den with my mother watching TV when I felt a gas cramp come on. When I went to fart it felt like somebody punched me in the stomach. I looked over at my mom and she said the my lips were pale. Last thing I remember. Aparently my head flopped over and I passed out. That being punched in the stomach feeling was the second branch of my vagus nerve being triggered.

Laying on the kitchen floor eating pickles cause my blood pressure is too low. It’s been awhile since it’s hit me that hard lol

Do I have to wear a fucking g-suit to keep my blood pressure up?

Nothing like

going through anti-depressant withdrawal and having hypotension at the same time. The nausea and vertigo are the worst. It literally feels like my consciousness is spinning away from my body.